I started taking yoga classes, sporadically, in my twenties. I loved them. I loved how I felt after I took them. It felt sort of magical, but I didn’t know why. The classes were always at gyms, and were only once or twice a week.
Over the years, around pregnancies and crazy life stuff, I took a class here and there. I even tried doing it at home a few times, but in my mind I thought I had to have the big open room, the subdued lighting, the soft ethereal music, and have the gentle voice of a teacher. In contrast, I had a messy house, no space, babies crying, loud boys, and a yoga video playing loud enough to try and tune it out. Everything I thought was wrong, was all in my mind, my perception. I’ve since seen amazing mama’s yoga through pregnancies and toddlers. Incorporating it into their lives. But anyway.. back to my story…
So when I finished having all my six babies, and when I was done nursing my last son. I found myself in a new place in my life. After I mourned the end of that part of me, my body creating babies and milk for babies, I slowly began learning about myself. What else was I? Learning things that angered and bewildered me that it took me 42 years to figure out. I think because I was pregnant or nursing for so many years, that I had a hyper focus on my babies. I hardly paid any attention to myself. And now, there I was. Starting to see myself.
Yoga came again. I started watching YouTube video classes, and found a program for beginners to practice daily, for flexibility. I started feeling recognizing this, I call it “bliss”, after doing yoga. At first yoga, I thought, was just a way to get in shape and feel good. But yoga is a powerful force that slowly showed me deeper and deeper layers about myself. I started realizing that my lower back didn’t hurt anymore after decades of pain, that my wrists didn’t hurt anymore after pain since my childhood. I found my voice, I felt brave and bold. My throat chakra slowly opened, my heart chakra cracked open the brick walls that contained it. I felt this incredible connection to my body and mind that I had never felt before. To my breath. This wave that lived there my whole life. This beautiful wave that I learned to love and appreciate and that I could control to give me energy or calm me down. Bliss.
About three months into a daily practice, I knew I wanted to teach people yoga. So I started my teacher training. I read books and began to more deeply understand yoga. The yamas, Sanskrit.. There was so much to yoga. I began meditating. I taught my kids to meditate. We began meditating as a family. My kids and husband joined me doing yoga.. bliss!
I taught my first class to a gym full of about 50 girl scouts. It was exhilarating. I was blissed out! I had so much fun. I had to ask the question.. why did it take me into my 40s to find this wonderful, magical thing? I’m still not sure. Just so grateful I did.
It’s been a year in March that I started my yoga journey. I am new. I love my body now. Not because yoga has sculpted it, and I can contort it into wonderful asanas…. I love it because it is the house of my spirit, my breath, my mind, my chakras, my energy system.. etc… I love that yoga has introduced me to myself. I love that it has made me a better mother and more adoring wife to my brilliant husband. I’ll never stop doing yoga. When I pass on from this world, I’ll indeed be in svasana. 🕉
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